||[08 May 2006|07:38pm]
i was the first person into the auditorium before strike...
sitting on the ramp, staring at everything, i started crying.
i can deal with leaving behind the people of the theatre,
but i'm going to miss the actual place.
where did i stay from after school until i had to go home sophomore year? from 4 to atleast 8 or 9 each night, that place was my 'home.' junior year, things got better, and i wasn't there as much, but i became better friends with people, and became stage manager. that was pretty awesome. i also acted in a play, became a thespian at the end of the year.
and then this year.
i complained so much, and really, the kids are annoying, but theyr'e not so bad. they just need to mellow out and learn some common sense. i didn't really get to know the actors much this year, for the musical and all, but there's alot of great talent out there.
i'm going to miss the recognition. i know that sounds weird, coming from a "techie" who isn't supposed to be seen, so they don't really get recognized or thanked much, but still. everytime i heard "great show, things looked awesome," i'm really proud. (atleast for the stamper's shows :P). we're known for ability, and despite it's fluctuations at times, we're still so much better than many places. and, after all, a play is great because of how well the actors and technical crew work together. or stay out of each other's way, haha.
but really, what i'll miss most of all, more than running the shows, knowing you did a good day's work, or all the times just spent haning out and bs'ing after alot of hard work, is sitting back in the booth, is working the flys, is sitting in the house, admiring the stage. I'll miss being in the wings, get ready for the cue to plug in the flashpots, or waiting for the blackout, to set the stage. I'll miss the tech room, it was kinda weird to see it so clean and rearranged today, but it's actually kind of fitting. I'm leaving, and it's a new year, a new time. Cleaning it was a way of letting it go, as cliche and retarded as it sounds. If i go back to visit, it's not going to be the same, i know that, and the room kind of proves that. Banne's head stage manager, and Ethan'll probably be assisstant again, and then next year be head, I'm out. I don't even know if i'll come see any of the plays.
Today, kevin and i play wrestled and fought with noah's rubber/plastic knife. so did caroline and kevin. we're like the brian and jeremy of a few years ago, and the jeremy and hachey of last year. seriously, i'm going to miss the play fighting, and the just in general release of energy. i hate being lethargic.
this is going to be so weird next year.
fall, i'm going to find myself at college, probably wishing i was up on cats, stretching out in the dark to take a nap, or chill out, or stop myself from having a breakdown. come spring, stamps said i'll feel like there's something missing in my life. and i know there will be. i've met so many people at tech, and christ. brian, caroline, stamps, kevin, nicola and andy and koontz and that crew, nina, liz, shay, paco, kc, spookz, kk and so on. honestly.
the kids who wander in and out of tech never really feel it.
but to those who stay there most of their high school career, they know it.
probably in a few hours, when i'm lying in bed, i won't be able to sleep. i'm emotionally and physically drained, but all i'll probably be able to do is stare at the ceiling and think.
and on that note,
I want to cry, probably will call someone later, to keep myself from doing so.
only to hang up and then cry.
i can't wait for the fall. i want a new life now. i don't want to prolong the "goodbye," I just leave now before i have a chance to change my mind or to think about it too much.